I have been on a reading frenzy the last few weeks … juggling several books.  Just completed Joel Goldsmith’s “Spiritual Interpretation of Scripture.”  Originally written in 1947, this author inspired Eckart Tolle’s recent writings.  After reading it, I can see how these thoughts are a foundation for Tolle’s work.

 

He opens with a George Bernard Shaw quote, “This is true joy in life:  the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.  The being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap-heap;  the being a force of nature instead of a little clot of illnesses complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”

 

Goldsmith emphasizes the uplifting message that we are each here for a great cause — each one of us a “place where God shines through.”  How beautiful to know that I am more than just my thoughts, my body, and my day-to-day actions — but am actually a vessel for God’s work and His message! 

 

“Your purpose is to be the Light;  to let that Light shine, that those who are not yet illumined may find in you a hope.”  This line hit home for me.  In the years after I first left Prudential, I know I had found a spiritual “sweet spot” — amazingly, without even trying.  I lived each day to the fullest, focusing almost completely on providing service to others, giving them hope, showing them possibilities, and helping to build confidence and optimism in others.  Period.  That was it – every day.  The amazing thing about it, was I was actually finding paid work to do just that.  Sure, on the surface the work was teaching a class on DISC, or doing some executive coaching – but under it all, I know I was “shining a light” of sorts, giving energy to others. 

 

At the time I knew it in an unconscious way, but not in an ego way.  That was what made that time so special.  My ego was not in charge and, thus, never got in the way.

 

After “riding the wave” for several years, I made the choice to go back to full-time work.  It wasn’t a light decision – I struggled with it.  I would be giving up not only a lot of freedom and free-time and high-paying work – but somehow, deep down, I knew this would “dim the light” for me.  And, after about a year, it did.

 

It’s so gradual, you don’t even realize it’s happening.  Then, I remember it distinctly, in February of 2007, WHOMP!  The ego had returned!  I struggled with the need to be respected, the need to feel important – my ego wept for itself and blamed the world.   I remember meeting my dear friend, Annmarie, and she said, “Your aura is dull.”  My God, she was right!

 

Fortunately, this period was a huge wake-up call – and a spiritual lesson that I needed to learn in order to fully embrace my “real self” again.  It’s as if I couldn’t appreciate the Presence, without having gone through this pain period.  Perhaps it was to teach me how to dig out – so that I could also help others dig out.

 

A year later, I am still digging my way out spiritually.  But I’m back on track!  I am back up on the wave!  The signs are all there.  I feel the light around myself again.  And I know others see it/feel it too.  In the last two weeks I had two very challenging speaking engagements.  Each time I prepared as best I could, then I reached within and knew that God would work through me to take care of the rest.  The perfectionist in me wanted to have all the answers written in the script and on the handouts … yet, I knew most of what would matter would happen “in the moment” through divine intervention.  It did! 

 

Now, I just have to watch out for my ego stepping in to take credit for these successes and getting all “full of itself.”

 

A big lesson I’ve had to learn is that it is possible to be a Light of God and a healthy spiritual being while working inside an organization.  This is very hard, though – since everything around you is about ego.  You are annually “labeled and rated” on a performance appraisal (ego!) … you receive a certain bonus amount (ego!) … you are credited with doing good work or not (ego) … you are included “in the circle” or not (wow … big ego!)  You are driven to feed the ego with everything around you.  Yet, if you can find a way to step back, stay grounded, and look within – you can be a beacon of Light even in this ego-driven environment.  It is WORK – discipline, follow-through, trust, and commitment!  But it can be done. 

 

Stay tuned!